


Robins: Gotta Catch 'em All!

by inheritanceofgeek



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Everyone wants to bang Nightwing, F/M, Female Friendship, Gen, I'd rate this as sort of Older Teen? Rated 15 in the UK, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Non Graphic mentions of sexual acts, Pre-New 52, Sleepovers, Sort of because I still got Harper in there, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, discussion of clone fucking, mentions of under age sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 15:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17810693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inheritanceofgeek/pseuds/inheritanceofgeek
Summary: Whilst they wait for their mark to show up, the girls take shelter in a cave where discussion quickly turns to Sleepover Territory!It's soon revealed that maybe Stephanie Brown has a few more Robins under her belt than first realised... Not that any of them can ever know, of course.





	Robins: Gotta Catch 'em All!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this idea came from, but I needed something to do whilst waiting for my therapist. And so this was born! 
> 
> Stephanie/Damian is VERY MUCH one-sided here. So if you ship it then maybe not the fic for you?

It doesn't matter how old you are, where you are, or even how many broken ribs you have, there's something about 5 people being awake at 3am that turns everything into a Sleepover.

M'Gann, Stephanie, Kara, Beryl and Harper were all sheltering inside a Scottish cave whilst they waited out a sudden storm. There was a thief who'd been travelling the world collecting Celtic artefacts, with plans on using the innate magic of the standing stones to send them back in time. They'd always been one step ahead of the team, but they'd finally gotten lucky! One of the artefacts had been a list of ingredients needed for the spell. Yet as with all weird Celtic magic, it had been written in riddles. Stephanie had never been one to back down from a riddle though, and quickly deduced what they were, and where they could be found. One in particular caught her eye. The final ingredient was stone gathered from the highest peak of the Cuillin mountain range, on what was now known as Skye. Without two aliens and a Batcave of technology, it would take the thief a day to get there from London. Which gave the gang enough time to lay a trap for them. But right now? It was pissing it down, and there was no point in getting hyperthermia.

Being a martian, M'Gann couldn't be around fire, so Harper had built them a heater from the contents of her pack. Talk had gone from actual case work, to import events in their lives and right into to sleepover territory. This time around, it had taken the form of who had been their best kiss ever.

“Well, I've not had a lot of experience in the matter,” M'Gann shuffled awkwardly, for some reason refusing to look Stephanie in the eye “But you know, umm, there was a guy who kissed me once and it was really nice! Like, made my toes curl and my heart skip a beat, you know?”

“Honestly I'm surprised so many of you have _men_ as your best kiss!” Beryl shook her head in disbelief “I mean, I know I'm gay as a picnic basket, but I've kissed a couple of guys just to see, and it's never been anything spectacular.”

“Eh, there's a few who can hold their own,” shrugged Harper “but also don't lump me on with them, I told you my best kiss was with Yasmin Kim in the French Room during recess.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know Harp.” Beryl rolled her eyes “I just meant in general. For a bunch of queer girls, I'm still shocked by your life choices. No judgment though,” she held up her hands “you kiss who you wanna kiss and you go ahead and enjoy it.”

“Thanks Beryl, that's so progressive of you!” Chirped Stephanie. “Come on then M'Gann, tell us more about your toe curling kiss! Did they have a name?”

“Umm,” she was still not looking at her, wait... was Steph her best kiss? She couldn't remember ever kissing M'Gann but then there were alternate dimensions, Cadmus clones and mixed up time lines to consider, maybe… “Okay, don't be mad!” M'Gann blurted out at last, cutting off Steph's train of thought “But it was during a game of Spin the Bottle, which had been Kon's idea to begin with, and I wasn't even the one to spin it! He was! I promise I didn't use any psychic powers or--”

“M'Gann, you're rambling.” Said Kara, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder “Just come out and say who it was.”

“Tim.” She seemed to shrink a little, her whole body curling up around herself. “I’m sorry Steph.”

Stephanie let out a spurt of laughter “Was that all you were worried about? That you'd kissed my… whatever Tim is.”

“Doomed Romance?”

“Terrible Decision Making?”

“Tragic Backstory?’

“Let's go with serial ex-boyfriend and leave it at that.” Steph intoned “M'Gann, it's fine. I can report that, whilst early on he had questionable technique, after a lot of practice and minor coaching he did improve greatly.”

“You taught Tim how to kiss?” M'Gann asked in some astonishment

“Well, yeah he was fourteen when we started dating. He'd not had a lot of experience, where as I had. I mean, it's not like I sat him down for a powerpoint presentation! Just, you know, gave him a few pointers here and there." 

“So, to some extent,” began Harper, a knowing grin spreading across her face “You could say that you kissed Robins three _and_ four!” M'Gann seemed to flush a little, but didn't say anything else.

“Three more and you have the set!” Kara said excitedly “I mean, is that what people do? I know that there were girls who were determined to kiss every single member of NSYNC. The Robins are a bit like a boy band, right? Well, pop group, I suppose.” She added, looking at Stephanie apologetically.

“Do you think anyone is ever going to complete the set?” mused Beryl “There's got to be someone out there who's kissed them all! Like, a sexy morally ambiguous villainess or a weird Time Traveller who just wants to snog their way across the universe. There's certainly stranger things to do with your time.” 

“You been approached by any weird Time Travellers, Steph?” asked Harper, conversationally.

“Not unless Booster Gold counts.”

“You've kissed Booster Gold!?” cried Kara, a look of shock on her face “I mean, he's attractive sure but he's also such a--”

“No! I have not kissed Booster Gold! I was making a joke Kara.” Steph shoved her slightly “Give me some credit _God_.”

“But did he _try_ to kiss you,” Harper pointed a finger at her “because that is what we are trying to establish here. Is Booster going around collecting Robins? Do we need to send someone out to protect Tim's innocence?”  

“I thought we established that Tim wasn't innocent of anything?” Kara raised an eyebrow

“Well, Dick's innocence then.” shrugged Harper. M'Gann let out a snort of laughter.

“Trust me Blue Bird, Dick Grayson is not innocent of _anything_ . I mean,” she looked around at them panicked “I don't mean that _we've_ done anything together! I just mean that, look. I don't do it _deliberately_ , okay? I am aware that going into someone's mind without their consent is a No-Go amongst humans. But it's like,” she waved her hands around “he just thinks so _loudly_! It's almost impossible to block out when you're around him. So, I know way more about Nightwing’s love life than I ever really wanted to. Although, not that I wouldn't mind getting to know him that way…” she tailed off, a slightly dreamy expression coming across her face, and then she clasped her hands to her mouth “Oh Gods! I didn't mean to say that!”

The rest of the gang all burst into fits of laughter, Harper leaning over and pulling M'Gann into a hug “It's okay, we've all thought about it. Definitely sexiest member of the Bat Family, other than myself of course.”

“Yeah, despite all I said, I would still fuck him if given the opportunity. If only for the story.” agreed Beryl.

“Oh, I am sure it would be a great story as well!” Sighed Kara “One you'd just have to keep on telling.”

“Sorry, is this a bit much for you Steph?” frowned Harper “you're being weirdly quiet and I don't like it. I know he's like a Big Brother to the Robins but--”

“--Dick Grayson is not my brother! I never saw him as my brother, I am not even adopted! It's fine, it is all fine. There is _nothing_ creepy about me and Dick being together.”  

“Okaaay…” Harper leant back a little “That wasn't weird at all.” 

Beryl squinted at her, and Steph tried her hardest to school her face into something more aloof. But Squire was too well trained to let anything go…

“Oh my god, you've snogged him! You totally snogged Nightwing!” 

“What?” Steph scoffed “No I haven't. He's Tim's Big Brother that-- and, _and_ he's Barbara's Ex-boyfriend -- that, that would be _wrong_!”

“Oh my Gods Stephanie! You totally made out with him!” gasped Kara “De-tails!” She clapped “I need all of them.”

 “I ummm, I… a girl doesn't kiss and tell?”

“That's bollocks, you kiss Nightwing you tell everyone about it. You dine out on that story for years because no one is ever going to tire of hearing it!” retorted Beryl. Nightwing was one of the few Non-Justice League heroes who made news outside of the states, and that was mostly down to his presence on every single horny teenager's Tumblr Blog and Bedroom Wall.

“Huh, so I guess you're halfway to the set too then?” mused Harper “M’Gann, you best look out, you've got completion.”

M'Gann had her hands around her ears and her face screwed up tight. She was humming some sort of song as if trying to block out a noise. The other girls looked between her and Stephanie who was looking equally as uncomfortable.

“M'Gann, is Steph also thinking too loudly?” asked Harper, watching them both carefully “Steph, I know you have tried over the years to keep your internal monologue internal, but now might be a great time to just say it out loud.”

“Before M'Gann explodes.” Added Beryl.

“Come on Steph,” Kara wrapped an arm around her shoulder “just let it all out, we're not going to judge you for kissing anyone.”

“Other than Booster Gold.”

“I have not kissed Booster Gold!” Steph huffed, picking up a pebble and chucking it at Harper. “I will admit to having kissed Tim and Dick though.” 

“ _And_?” Sang Kara “Come on, M'Gann wouldn't be doing her exploding watermelon impression if that's all there was to it!”

“And, maybe,” continued Stephanie “I may have, also kissed Jason but _not_ Damian! He's like twelve! That would be gross and inappropriate!” M'Gann started to hum even louder “ _Urgh fine_ !” Steph yelled in defeat “Okay? _Technically_ I may have, but in my defence, he was from like, ten years in the future and I had _no idea_ he was Damian until _after_ he kissed me!”

The other girls were all staring at her, jaws wide open. Kara was somehow the first to speak “You mean that, you have actually completed the set? You got all the male Robins? _Including_ Damian?!”

“Future Damian!” Steph rebutted “ _Future_ Damian who was going by 'Flamebird’ and was here to chase down some guys who were trying to assassinate the future mayor of Gotham before she got into politics. He needed help but said he couldn't interact with the other Bats because it could alter the timeline too much, and just…”

“I can't believe you kissed Damian.” Kara looked like she wanted to throw up “That is so--”

“--Damian kissed _me_ ! _He_ kissed _me_! I just, sort of… went with it. And he leapt into a time vortex thing straight after! I only realised who it was when he told me he'd been ‘wanting to do that for ten years’ and apologised for calling me Fat-Girl.”

“Wait! That means Present Day Damian has a crush on you!” gasped M'Gann “Okay that's kind of adorable.”

“I had to drink an entire bottle of mouthwash after.” Steph grimaced “I have been trying to block it from my mind ever since.”

“Was he a good kisser though?” asked Beryl, smirking.

“Please can we change the topic now.” Groaned Steph, leaning her head back against the cave wall

“Yeah, no, not happening. You gave us one story and now we want the rest!” Beryl crossed her arms “Come on, we need some entertainment in this cold, damp cave. You're it.”

“Yeah, and not Tim.” Added Harper “We all know about Tim, we've bared witness to your awkward meetings and ill-advised make outs.” 

“Yeah, you totally said Jason there. Tell us about _Jason_!”

“Mmmm, and then tell us about Dick.” Hummed Kara, everyone turned to stare at her “What? Look, back on Krypton I had a poster of the Original Nightwing on my wall! I came to Earth and there he was again, different, but still a total beef cake. He is the stuff of _legend_ , my crush was inevitable and I'm not going to apologise for it!”  

“Come on, Batgirl, enough is enough! Spill the beans already.” groaned Beryl. 

Steph weighed up her options, trying to decide what would get her into most trouble: telling them all the sordid truth and risking it getting out to the others, or keeping it to herself and facing mutiny in the here and now. M'Gann had lowered her hands now and was looking directly at her.

 _Stephanie, if you don't tell them I am going to have to. Not because I want to invade your privacy, but because you're thinking so loudly about it all that it's invading mine._  

“Oh fine then!” Steph cried, throwing her arms in the air “Okay, I slept with Jason. There, are you happy now?”

“That did not go where I was expecting it to!” gasped Harper in delight “You banged Red Hood? The resident Bad Boy Bat?”

“Just, just once.” she said slightly weakly “It was just, you know…”

“The adrenaline?” Supplied Kara

“Sort of? I-- I was working a case, and it lead me into a building site. No big deal, right? But, but I didn't realise that people would still be working. There was a lot of drilling going on in the background that I just couldn't block out.” A distant look came over her eyes “The sun started to set and it was casting light through these big bay windows... and I just, I froze.” she stared down at her feet “I'm usually alright. I can usually get out of it on my own but that day, it was too much. Next thing I knew Jason was there with me, talking me through the panic attack, I think O must have sent him, and he took me back to his place to calm down. I stayed the night in his bed, whilst he took the couch.” 

The girls were quiet, letting her finish her story. It had taken a turn they had not been expecting, but wasn't that always going to be the case with Stephanie Brown?

“In the morning, I woke up and I just felt kind of ridiculous about it all? Super Heroes aren't meant to fall apart at the sound of a drill! But Jason, he was just so sweet; he talked to me about his own trauma, and explained that there's no shame in having PTSD from the worst night of your life. We've lived through things we weren't meant to, of course we're going to come out with a few open wounds. It-- it really helped to hear someone else say that? Someone who'd been through similar stuff and knows what it's like to never be able to get over it? He's working through it, same as me. Then he made me breakfast and we talked about the latest episode of the Bachelor. He was just so _soft_ looking you know? No socks, dressed in these big baggy sweatpants, with a serious case of Bed Head… and okay he was shirtless and you know what those bat boys are like!”

“ _You_ certainly do.” Smirked Harper, and Stephanie laughed, helping to break some of the tensions that had built up.  

“There was just this moment, and I asked if he would kiss me, and he said yes, and then you know… dot dot dot?” 

“Just ‘dot dot dot’? All of that and no actual details?” Cried Kara, almost without thinking “Come on Steph, we’re living vicariously through you right now! Details please!”

“It was,” began Steph, thoughtfully “It wasn't what I was expecting. I thought it would be you know, all rough and dirty, him pushing me up against the wall and whispering filthy things in my ear; that kind of stuff. But he was just a really soft and tender kind of a guy. He put all the focus on me, making sure I was comfortable, taking care of my needs first. We both had a really great time! It helped work through a lot of my tensions and we parted ways as friends. It was fun! And uh,” she licked her lips slightly “can confirm, Red Hood's Big Dick Energy is not just all show. That is a man who delivers on his promises.” There was another round of giggles, Kara floating off of the ground in glee.

“Okay, so that's Tim, Damian and Jason. Now tell us about Dick already!” pleaded Kara 

“Did you have sex with him too? Please tell me you had sex with him, because I would love a compare and contrast here.”

“That, depends on your definition I guess…” Steph trailed off. It wasn't that she was exactly ashamed of her collection, even if she actively tried to forget about Adult!Damian every single day of her life, but it was still a little weird. There were meant to be rules regarding the your ex's siblings, and she'd been actively trying to make sure Tim never found out about any of this! And yet here she was blabbing to the whole gang… 

“Oh come on Steph! In for a penny in for a pound. Just let it out already! How far'd you get with him?”

“What base is a hand job?” 

“No idea, that's an American thing but you've said enough already!’ Beryl beamed “Wait, him or you? Stephanie,” she sighed disappointedly “I know that he's fit and all, but it's nowhere near as fun for us if it was all give and no take!” 

“Yeah, if that's the case I'm going to have to have words with him about how to treat a girl right.” Agreed Harper. M'Gann was looking incredibly uncertain about the whole conversation, meanwhile Kara just looked heartbroken at the idea that her crush wasn't into fingering.

“Look, beating off Dick Grayson might be on my list of poor judgements, but it is not on my list of regrets. He earned that hand job, okay? He is very, very good with his fingers. I can see why he draws attention to them on his costume, they're clearly his super power.” 

“De-tails! De-tails!” Clapped Kara, her heartbreak replaced with over enthusiasm.

“Okay, so I was finishing up for the night, and I wanted to just go home but I absolutely stunk since I'd been out in the sewers chasing Killer Croc! I caught him though! We did it, just me and Wendy working together on it, no Oracle. None of the Big Kids there to lend a hand, and we didn't even _need_ them! I was high off of it, not going to lie. So I'm standing in the shower in the Bat Cave, letting the hot water take over and was like 'you know what? Let's give myself a little reward!’ So I start rubbing one out. I didn't think anyone was around, so I let myself get a little loud. But, turns out I wasn't as alone as I thought, so in comes Dick Grayson, thinking I've been injured or something! And he goes to talk, but he's just staring at me, cause I'm butt naked and knuckle deep. Thing is, he's clearly just got in, because he's all sweat slicked skin, and only got the bottom half of his costume on. Which is all a win in my book! His brain kicks into gear and he does an about turn, spluttering apologies and being all adorable. But, well, I mean, you've all seen him!”  

“Hate to see him leave, love to watch him go.” nodded Kara wisely.

“Exactly! And by this point I'm super turned on and horny as fuck, so I just tell him he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to. If he wants to share the shower he can. He stops in his tracks, doesn't move. Like he's trying to weigh it all up. Turns back around, and just strips off the rest of his costume and joins me. Takes my hand away and replaces it with his own, and, wow I saw stars! It was incredible, it wasn't just the water gushing down on us, you know?” 

“Bit graphic there but sure, I get the idea.” replied Beryl

“And well, I'd be rude not to say thank you, so I help him out too. We finish up our shower, climb out and make a promise to never let the test of the family know what happened.”

“Am I not family?” asked Harper in mock hurt

“You weren't on the scene at the time, my promises did not involve you.”

“So it was a one-and-done type deal?” asked Kara, a small tinge of hope in her voice that it might be otherwise. 

“Weeell,” drawled Steph “It's only happened the once, but I don't think either of us would be opposed to giving it a second go.”

“Okay, but who was bigger, Dick or Jason?” asked Beryl, who was all about the important things in life.

Steph thought about it for a moment “Dick was pretty average I'd have to say. Bigger than Tim but he's also taller so that goes without saying. Jason was, impressive. Like, he should get that cast because it would sell _super_ well.”

“This is way more information than I ever wanted to have,” M'Gann said uncertainly “but at the same time I'm just… is it weird to be proud of you? I'm feeling very proud of you Batgirl.”

“You are out there living your best Bat Life Stephanie Brown.” Agreed Beryl “I'm kinda wishing it wasn't just Knight and me down here. I feel like we could do with some more sexy heroes just so I can get my own stories.” 

“Who was best though?” asked Kara “I mean, that's three Robins you've had sex with, three orgasms, which was the best?”

“See, that's unfair.” Steph said reasonably “Each situation was different. Tim was my high school boyfriend, we went through a lot together and sex always felt meaningful. Jason was comfort sex, it brought me back down to earth and made me feel safe. Dick was just quick and kinda dirty because we both knew it was probably a bad idea. So like I said, I don't really think I can compare them fairly. They each had a different goal in mind, you know?”  

“That is surprisingly sweet,” Harper nodded “and very mature of you Steph, I'm proud of you for your dedication to the cause.”

“Yeah, you're out there doing it for us all, and we thank you for sharing your triumphs.” agreed Kara, giving her a mock bow.

 Steph laughed “Well you are all welcome then, I shall remember in the future to keep you all up to date with my terrible decision making. But you gotta promise not to tell anyone else about this, okay?”

“Scouts honour.” said Beryl, saluting them, Kara and M'Gann agreeing too. Harper was quiet though. 

“Harper, come on, promise me you won't tell anyone.” 

“Can I at least tell Cullen, Steph?! I cannot keep this a secret from him. It's too big a deal! You'll be an absolute legend to him and I can laugh at you both.”

“No, Harper! You know the rules, what happens in Scotland, stays in Scotland.”

 “Urgh, fine.” She huffed “I won't tell him, or anyone else for that matter. Spoil Sport.”

“Oh Harper, you know me, I'll always be a Spoiler.”

The girls all groaned at her joke, tired of hearing the same puns again and again. “There's one Robin you're missing from your list though,” mused M'Gann “you’ve not got yourself. Unless masturbation counts which, um, I don't think it does in this context?” 

Everyone blinked at her, not expecting this sort of thought process to go through her head. Then again, she was a martian, a planet of shapeshifters had to mess with the status quo a little bit. 

“I mean, I don't think it does? Since otherwise couldn't you argued that just imagining being with them counts?” Steph looked around at the others

“There's always Time Travel!” suggested Beryl “Maybe that's what our guy here is doing, wanting to go back in time to make out with himself.”

“That is a lot of effort to go to for a fetish.” Steph raised an eyebrow “There's probably something else in it. We can find out when we catch the guy.”

“Have you considered getting a clone of yourself? That's gotta be possible right?” Suggested Harper.

Kara made a gagging noise “No! No way that's just wrong, and gross. It would be like making out with your twin!”

Beryl rolled her eyes “You're just saying that because your cousin has a clone!”

“Yeah, I am!” she shot back “I have the most experience in this matter, which is how I know it's totally wrong to do anything with your clone! The idea of Kon-El and Kal-El together is just,” she made a slight vomiting noise “gross. So Gross.”

“I don't know, sounds pretty hot to me.” shrugged Harper, raising her arms up to protect herself as Kara threw more pebbles at her.

The conversation devolved from there, discussing the merits of whether it was okay to have sex with you clone or not. It revealed a lot of things about each other, and through it all, Stephanie couldn't help but wonder what it would be like… after all! Who would know better how to fuck her, than her!

M'Gann had a point, it would be a shame to not complete the set. Who knew what the future would hold though? There was a multiverse of possibilities out there, there had to be one where she was down for it…

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoyed this? Let me know via Kudos/Comments or on Tumblr where I'm MrsMaryMorstan =)


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